Reminiscence of Regrets
by DoveofLight
Summary: Chrono is faltering from severe depression and suicide attempts, so Rosette handcuffs herself to him to keep from losing him, and to help him recover. But what dark secrets is Chrono hiding?
1. Blade

**Disclaimer: ** As if I owned CC…heh…wishful thinking is far from accommodating, no?

**Author's note:** Warning…this is a little…scary? Heh, but not as scary as my soon-to-come addition to my hordes of fictions. The hordes only exist on my comp, so don't get excited people. They'll probably never make it here anyway.

**Currently listening to:** Stuff that's probably pushing my health to its limits.

**Warning:** Suicide, angst

**Summary:** Chrono is faltering from severe depression and suicide attempts, so Rosette handcuffs herself to him to keep from losing him, and to help him recover. But is that wise? Especially when Aion comes into the game?

Reminiscence of regrets 

**Chapter 1: **Blade

The breeze drifted through the small breach in buildings, carrying the scent of the summers will with it. Flowers were in bloom all around, gracing the surrounding area with their beauty that claimed the gentle gust as their own. The feathery scent of powder-soft blue saint blossoms scattered the tender flower arcs all around.

The breeze played at his velvety pools of violet, swirling it along to dance merrily on the wind. The small figure was perched upon the brick rimming to the fountain, precariously listening to nature with his crimson red eyes shut tight as he hummed a long-forgotten song of time. He was lost deep in his thoughts, trying to sift through the many thoughts that were demanding his attention.

"Chrono! Watch out!"

"Huh-ah!-" He yelled as he was hit with a rubbery red ball squarely in the chest, sending him sprawling backwards into the stone base. "Ow…"

"Dang Chrono, even Joshua could've dodged that." Rosette stated as she watched him. He rubbed the middle of his back, particularly the spine, and remained silent. There he was again…Joshua, Joshua, Joshua. That was all that she ever talked about these days…

He felt a hand grab his and looked up. She wasn't really smiling at him, but she wasn't frowning as she pulled him to his feet. Claire, Anna, and Mary were snickering behind them, but he didn't care. His soul was too broken to care much right now…

"You should be more careful, Chrono. How will we save Joshua with you being so dazed?" He felt his heart constrict in his chest slightly. There he was again…Joshua… He looked down at the ground, trying to blink away the tears that had formed so suddenly.

He pulled his hand from hers and took a few steps back, making her watch him curiously. He sat back down on the stone wall by the fountain, looking away from her. His heart was searing with pain in his chest, begging for him to let his emotions go. The 4 girls resumed their kickball game without much ado, though he sensed Rosette's lingering curiosity and caution. She considered him weird right now…with a tinge of fear. He took a deep breath of the flowery wind, trying to calm his aching heart. How much more could he take?

The sun had finally gone down in the west, and the fireflies had claimed the duty of keeping the light. They flickered their lights in a passionate daze as they circled the field.

He stood up. He had held his emotions back successfully, though, not without pain. Rosette and the others were chirping happily about the game as they walked inside for dinner, as he trudged slowly behind.

He turned off towards his new room in the main hall, skipping dinner for the 6th time in a row. Rosette hadn't noticed, thankfully. He enjoyed not eating. It felt like punishment for him existing, and he liked it. It gave him the cruel pain of knowing he was hurting himself, and that he deserved it.

Chrono walked into his room, keeping the lights off as he locked the door. He pulled his clothes off, changing into pitch-black clothes with straps and a thin chain through the belt loops. It was suiting, he found, for his nature. He crawled onto his bed, falling backwards into the pillows quietly. He had become amazingly lighter in a mere 6 days… He rolled over onto his side, using his arm as a pillow.

Before he could stop his mind from trodding on painful memories, he found himself engrossed in them. The pain in his heart re-opened full-force, slightly cutting down his breathing from the emotional pain. Rosette…laughing about Joshua and telling silly tales about his wild imagination. Rosette…chirping about how Joshua had tricked her earlier that day. Rosette…it seemed like she was constantly stuck over Joshua. Even when he was hurting, both inwardly and outwardly, it seemed she was always focused on her brother. Couldn't she see his pain?

Then there was Aion. Now that struck a deeper pain than he was ready for, and he curled suddenly, twisting in the agony the memories brought him. His own brother…the one he trusted completely with his life…his own brother that had labeled him worthless. Had labeled him a burden and had tried to kill him, nearly succeeding. He had used him as a tool, then thrown him away quicker than he could realize it. The pain made his vision blink, and his lungs start freezing up. His heart seared with a strong pain, begging him to relieve it.

He didn't know what had happened, but he suddenly found himself standing at his dresser. He pulled open a drawer and rustled through it, finally finding the object he had searched for. A slim, sharp knife that had been given to him by Aion long ago. It was 1 of 2 things that Aion had given him. The other was a thin, strong chain that he currently wore on his pants.

He walked back over to the bed, the painful memories emphasizing the most painful parts and whispering his sins over and over to him as he sat down in front of the bed on the floor, back against the mattress. He slid the leather sheath off the blade, revealing the shining silver that sparkled in the moonlight. Aion had always said 'Polish it with blood'…

He held his wrist out in front of him, observing it. He saw all the thin bloodlines that was now so easy to see. He was so frail right now…it angered him that no one had noticed. There it was, a small point where all the thin veins crossed. A small point…though easy to cut with this blade. He set the knife down on his skin, testing its weight and seeing how much pressure he would need. It felt accustomed to his skin, and he liked it. He removed the blade from his chosen blood point, moving the blade on down his arm.

He pressed slightly on the handle, feeling the blade enter and leave his flesh smoothly, leaving a narrow trail of blood behind it. It felt so good. He slid the knife deeper into his arm, feeling the beautiful pain that it brought. It pulled his aching soul closer, seemingly to protect it from more harm as it released the pain he had suffered from for so long.

His mind plunged deeper into the painful memories, making his chest constrict slightly. By now, his arms and legs were littered with cuts, deep and small. The pain was so strong…

"_I should get it over with…then no one would have to see me for much longer…"_He thought as he moved the blade back up to his wrist point, feeling the blade that had been made hot by his blood. It almost seemed to quiver as he brought it up slightly, preparing for the final cut.

Suddenly he felt pain concentrating in his wrist. It pulsed with pain as the new wound on it surged with despair. Blood seeped from the deep gouge, pooling on the wooden floorboards and starting to seep through them. The darkness rushed around him as he suddenly felt an impulse to look up. He saw himself in the mirror…a sad, fallen figure that had finally given up on the pain that had tortured him. He had given up…

As the darkness swarmed around him, easing the pain in his heart and body, one last thought dared venture forward.

_Rosette still cared…why couldn't you see that? What have you done, Chrono…why did you do it?_

His cold body hit the floor, his breath escaping his lungs and his beating heart slowing down. The pain was subsiding, and his sight cleared for a second. He saw the moon outside the window. It was gorgeous and golden, almost begging him to hold on. But he had lost the will and the strength to try, and thus, the darkness claimed him with a cold thud as the knife hit the floor.

**The end of Chapter 1, Blade**

So here it is. I wrote this as a reminder for me. It hasn't even been a year since I got that mark on my wrist, and I am considering doing it again. This was written from experience people, so please be nice to me. I know how fast these decisions can come to you, and how sudden you can find yourself at the brink of death. Please review. It gets happier, and eventually turns into a humor fic. In chapter…3, I believe. Yeah!

**Next Chapter, Why:** Why did you do it Chrono…why? Why couldn't I see that you were in pain? If I did…would you still be here? Would you still be beside me, offering me your warmth when I was cold? Why couldn't I stop you…why wouldn't you let me?


	2. Why?

**Disclaimer: **Did I own it last time? No. So why would I own it now!

**Author's note: **Keh heh heh…this is so much fun. Sadly, this chapter isn't as good, so please forgive me. I was trying to hurry up and finish it in, at some sense, a good amount of time. Please be nice to me in this one, cause the next will be better! And I will update fast!

**Currently listening to: **Blackeyed Peas, Evanescence, Now 1-18, Jesse McCartney (sp?), Linkin Park, Switchfoot.

_**Reminiscence of Regrets**_

**Chapter 2, Why?**

The news of what Chrono had done had spread through the convent like a disease. The shocked expressions and hushed whispers were enough to assure her that they hadn't expected it either.

Rosette stared down at the pale face below her. His face was peaceful. Quiet. Pained. She looked away, brushing at the rapid tears that had formed in her eyes. Why couldn't she have stopped him?

"I'm sorry, Sister. There's noth-" The doctor's voice faded quietly as he whispered something to Sister Kate. What was he saying to her?

"Are you sure? There's absolutely _nothing_?" Sister Kate whispered back, though Rosette heard it this time. The doctor nodded. Sister Kate sighed heavily as the doctor moved on, taking shelter behind closed doors.

"What did he say, Sister Kate?" Rosette's voice cracked with emotion as she voiced her question, looking away as more tears appeared in her watery eyes. Sister Kate looked startled at first, then looked down at the figure on the bed. She walked over, hand outstretched and brushed his pale cheek lightly, her sad eyes observing the frail body.

"He's so thin…the doctor said he hasn't eaten in awhile." Was the only reply Rosette got. Yes, Rosette was told that. His body was frail and malnourished from starvation, wracked with pain and despair. And she still had not noticed the diminished body before her as she looked at him yesterday.

"Sister Kate…what did he say?"

"It's such a shame we didn't see this sooner…"

"Sister Kate! What did he say?" Sister Kate looked up, staring Rosette in the eye with piercing hazelnut eyes. They searched for strength, to see if she could possibly take the news.

"Rosette…the doctor said that…in essence…he has lost the will to live. We may have saved him from bleeding to death, but he is still steadily dying. He'll be dead within a few days. I'm sorry…there's nothing we can do." Rosette's eyes gazed steadily into hers, searching for a sign that it was just a horrible joke.

Her mouth opened and closed suddenly as she swallowed hard, her eyes watering fast and quickly spilling over. She dropped to her knees, her heavenly cerulean eyes hazy and distressed. Sister Kate turned away. She hadn't wanted to tell her until she got over the shock of last night.

"I'm so sorry Rosette…" She whispered as she took one last glance at the barely breathing form on the bed, then briskly walked to the door and quietly closed it behind her.

Rosette crawled over to the bed and grabbed the handrail, pulling herself up with the bar and flopping over the edge next to the pale demon. Her tears stung her eyes and burned her cheeks as she brushed them away. She laid down next to him, burying her head into his shoulder. He still smelled the same…she shut her eyes and put her arm around his neck as the pain in her heart grew. Her fingers unconsciously fiddled with his silky hair, comforting her as she slipped into a fitful sleep.

"Rosette…Rosette…Wake up, Rosette…" She opened her blurry eyes to stare at the intruder. It was Sister Kate. She looked fitful as she wrung her hands together and fidgeted with her habit. Rosette clamored out of bed, confused at her apparent discomfort.

"What is it, Sister Kate?" Sister Kate looked down at the mention of her name.

"Rosette…I'm afraid I have some bad news…" Rosette's heart sank with dread, but she stood up straight, ready for the worst.

"What is it?"

"Rosette…this isn't very good news…are you sure you want to hear it?"

"Yes, Sister Kate. I want to know what's wrong with him."

"Alright Rosette…the doctor said his cuts and injuries aren't healing, but are actually…getting worse. He said there's little to no chance of him recovering from this…and…and…" She trailed off, looking at the extremely pale Chrono.

"And what?"

"And…it would be easier to give him a small injection…to let him go, Rosette. The doctor said he's only suffering, holding on simply because of your insistence." Rosette's breath caught in her throat, shock evident on her face as she took a few steps back.

"We can't…he still has a chance! We can't just give up on him like that! He needs us, Sister Kate…please…don't let them hurt him!" Her voice cracked with her sobs, but still she remained firm. Her eyes held no room for argument as she stood protectively over the bed.

"What's the point of holding on when he's dying anyway, Rosette? He's in pain…you can't force him to stay simply for you alone…think about _him_. Do you really want him to suffer simply for YOU?"

There was silence for a few minutes, and Sister Kate had thought she had won as Rosette cried, her hand brushing Chrono's cheek delicately with her hand. She gazed fondly at him, her eyes locked on his face as she seemed to think of what to say.

"We aren't **God**, Sister Kate. _WE_ don't decide when people die…**He** does…who are we to decide that for **Him**? Regardless of what you say, if you do anything to affect his life, such as injecting him with poison, that would be MURDER. I thought you taught against that, Sister Kate."

She stood up, watching her with steady eyes, knowing she had struck a point.

"We can use Azmaria. She would be happy to help us heal him. And after his wounds are healed, we can wake him up and help him recover." Sister Kate looked shocked at first, then she smiled sadly.

"Alright Rosette. You get 1 chance, ONE." Rosette smiled happily then took a deep breath, steadying her wavering emotions before brushing by the stunned head nun and walking out the door with a quiet 'thank you'.

Azmaria took a deep breath, watching the people around her before looking back down at the motionless demon.

"You want me to heal his wounds? But there's so many…" She whispered, running her hand over some of the uncovered cuts. Blood stained her fingers the instant she touched them as they ran over onto the white sheets.

"We are confident you can do it, Azmaria." Rosette replied evenly, hand gripping the younger girl's shoulder comfortingly. "Just concentrate." Azmaria took a deep breath, trying to calm the butterflies that were tap-dancing on her assurance.

"Alright…I'll try…" She paused, trying to look at all the cuts and gouges that lined his thin arms. Her heart fluttered in her chest, worry spreading over the doubt and hope. What if she messed up?

'_I should try…for Chrono…'_

For a minute, nothing happened, and Rosette began to fear it wouldn't work when a sudden burst of blue light brushed the room and pulsed around Azmaria. She gasped in surprise, but quickly directed it at the being intended for healing.

With a hazy rush, the light surged towards the pale demon, slamming into him and making him rise off the bed slightly, floating on the heavenly blue light. What few bandages remained came off, and skin slowly began to crawl over the cuts and gouges. Chrono writhed as if he was in pain, but showed no hint that he was even subordinately conscious.

With a sudden rush, the blue light gave another surge and vanished, leaving Azmaria and Chrono gasping for air. Azmaria fell to her knees, clutching at her heart with one hand and holding onto the bed rail with the other.

"Did it…((pant))…work?" She gasped between breaths, looking up at Rosette with hopeful eyes.

A small groan rose from the bed, making heads turn towards it. Slowly, a crimson orb opened.

**End of Chapter 2, Why**

Hah hah hah. This chapter sucked. Next chapter, it gets interesting. And a few more things are explained as the plot begins to take on a form! Thanks for all the reviews, they really helped me!

**Next Chapter, The pain of ignorance:** With Chrono woken up, they can finally begin to heal him properly! But why didn't the cut on his wrist heal? And why won't he let them help him? He seemed angry that he was still alive when he woke up…but perhaps that's what she mixed up with pain in the beginning?


	3. The pain of ignorance

**Disclaimer:** Nani ((what))? Nah…I don't own it…Mr. Moriyama does.

**Author's note:** Nothing really to say…I got baptized on Sunday! Yay! Anyway, enjoy the chapter and don't forget to review. The summary at the bottom might not be accurate.

**Currently listening to: **Dido-Life for rent, Now17

**Warnings: **Just your usual angst…with lots of fluff.

**Chapter 2: The pain of ignorance**

It had been 3 days since he had awoken, and not once had his foot stepped over the threshold of the hospital wing. The light had remained off, and the windows drawn closed, no outside source making it's way into the mournful room.

Rosette's boots clinked quietly against the stone as she made her way up the stairs, fidgeting with the watch around her neck with delicate fingers. He had hardly spoken since he had awoken, making it uncomfortable for her to be around him. The other nurses had long since fled, not willing to deal with a demon as strong as he was.

She reached the door and stopped, hand hovering over the doorknob as thoughts raced through her head. What would she find? Would he be better? What if he was worse? _I'll never know until I look…_ She chided herself, hand clasping the knob and opening it. The site was a little more usual now, though she still felt her heart plummet from worry and sadness.

"Chrono? Where are you?" She asked, closing the door behind her and flipping on the light. He hissed and drew his legs close, burying his face in his knees. He was sitting in the corner, away from the light and the beds. No one else had dared reside in here with him. The window was closed, of course, and upon looking, the medicine cabinet had several locks and chains around it, with a few claw marks.

"Chrono…" She said, walking over to him and kneeling down. He didn't answer, but fidgeted away slowly. She reached her hand out, placing it upon his knee. She felt the sadness welling up within her, worry over-placing the doubt and fear. She leaned forward, resting her head upon his as she drew him into a hug. "You have to come back sometime, Chrono…why won't you answer me? Did I really hurt you that bad?" He didn't move as she listened to his steady breathing, feeling the weak pulses in his blood against her cheek.

His breath was warm as he looked up at her, their faces so close together that they could feel each other's breath on their cheek. Her heart squirmed in a sudden rush, a feeling of love and excitement gripping her suddenly. He leaned towards her, resting his forehead on hers as he turned his head slightly, almost lovingly, brushing his cheek against hers. Her breath hitched in her throat, feeling his hand glazing over her back, pulling her against him as he hugged her, his sorrow and pain leaking out into tears that ran down his cheeks as he cried softly into her shoulder.

She hugged him to her tightly, whispering comforts into his ear softly as she felt his small breaths begin to grow shorter and shorter. _What's wrong with him? Why is he weakening?_ She could feel his weak pulse growing weaker, slowing down as his breath began to loose its heat.

He jerked back suddenly, brushing at his eyes and pushing her away as the door opened suddenly.

"Rosette? What are you doing here?" Sister Kate asked, apparently shocked as she carried a tray in her hands.

"I-I-I-"

"Oh never mind, goodness girl. Can't even answer a simple question." She said briskly, walking towards them and setting the tray down on a food table that rested beside the beds. "Chrono, I brought you some food. You MUST eat or you will surely die." That's what was wrong! His body was practically starved and beaten up, and was beginning to falter under such extreme conditions.

Chrono stared back at her, his eyes dull yet determined. His voice was soft and tired as he answered her. "No thank you. I don't want anything to eat."

"And why not?" She answered, sounding undisturbed.

"Because I want to die." He replied as his breath froze for a little bit, then returned weakly as he laid his head back down on his knees, covering his eyes and folding his arms around his legs.

"I figured as much. Okay, doctor, he refused. Come and help me." Sister Kate shouted towards the door as a head poked around it, then followed a body that Rosette recognized as the doctor Sister Kate had been talking to. The doctor carried a strange machine with a tube and an opening. "Rosette," Rosette looked back at Sister Kate, surprised, "you might want to leave for this." She said as a nurse suddenly came through a side door, picking Rosette up by the arms and gently guiding her through the door as she squirmed and yelled her complaints.

"Okay doctor, get him." Sister Kate said, as Chrono felt the dread rising up in him. He felt a pair of hands wrap around his thin wrists, and he looked up. The man pulled Chrono to his feet, but ended up carrying him as his knees buckled and he just twirled around on his ankles like a rag doll.

He was thrown forcefully down on the bed, nurses holding down his arms and legs as he lay on his back. He watched in horror as Sister Kate upturned the food into the opening, hearing a grinding noise.

"Okay son, open your mouth. This won't hurt too bad." The doctor said as he held the tube in his hand and waited impatiently. He signaled a nurse, and suddenly he felt someone wrenching his mouth open and the doctor placing his hand on his jaw. "Just relax and it'll be easier…" He said as he pushed the tube into Chrono's mouth, not stopping there but continuing to push it down his throat.

He felt sick as he felt it sliding down his throat, wanting to puke as he squirmed in the nurses' grip. He glimpsed Sister Kate flipping on a switch, and the ground up food traveling down the tube and continuing through his mouth despite his mental pleadings.

Rosette knocked on the Elder's door loudly, then kicked it open. He was apparently in the back, judging by the sudden explosion that rocked the building.

"Elder?"

"Rosette…how nice of you to stop by!" The Elder said, walking out with a scorched lab coat and wiping his goggles off with it. "How can I help you today?"

"Do you have a pair of…handcuffs?"

She opened the door, expecting the dark. She didn't bother flipping on the light, because the window was open. Apparently someone had opened it, because it looked heavy and she doubted Chrono had the strength left to do so.

He was sitting in front of the window, eyes watching carefully the play that was unfolding down on the lawn with the little kids. He looked sad and sick at the same time, as he didn't move from his spot.

"Chrono?" Rosette asked, knowing no one else was in the room. He grimaced and looked away, eyes shut in pain. She walked over to him, kneeling down by him. Gingerly, she reached out and wrapped her arms around him, drawing him close to her and off the chair. He was warm, and his pulse and breath wasn't as weak. He almost felt hot. She hugged him tightly as she felt her own tears slide down her cheek, just glad to be there with him alone. He returned her hug and put his head down near her neck, his hot breath warming and tickling her skin.

She let go of him slowly, and moved around to his back. Her trained fingers found the bow, pulling out the tie and watching it flutter to the floor. She smoothed out the braid, and reached for the comb she had brought with her.

"What did they do to you?" She asked as she ran the brush through his hair, knowing this calmed him down considerably when they were alone and had a chance to talk. He flinched slightly at her question, hunching over slightly to curl up again. She set the brush down and leaned forward, hugging him again as she felt around in his lap for his hand. She found it and rubbed it, patiently waiting until he sat back up again before she resumed her grooming.

"T-they…f-force-fed me." He answered her, his voice still weak and soft.

"That must have hurt. At least you're getting better, Chrono…I would die if you weren't here…" She answered, folding his hair into the usual neat braid along his back.

"I'd rather they didn't…I don't want to live anymore, Rosette…it hurts so much…"

"But Chrono, if I didn't have you around, I wouldn't know what to do! You're my best friend…I can't just let you go like that!"

"I don't want to live anymore! I'll find some way to kill myself without you guys stopping me, Rosette. Someday…" Her hand clenched around his, though he didn't move even though she knew she was hurting him. She released it slightly, to a more comfortable grip, and pulled his arm back towards her.

"I'm sorry Chrono…but I can't let you do that." She said as the handcuffs clicked around his wrist.

**End of Chapter 3, The pain of ignorance**

Well, I guess that wasn't so bad. I hardly ever just sit down and write up a chapter. Normally only part. So consider yourself lucky! Thanks for all the reviews. It's what helped me update faster! Cause, if you follow any of my other stories, you know that I hardly ever update quickly. : P. Don't be mean. Anyway, please review!

**Next Chapter, Handcuffs:** Being handcuffed together is proving to be quite challenging to Rosette as she drags him out into the sunlight, and forces him to mingle with the crowds. But maybe she's in a little over her head as Chrono pushes against her will, and a surprise guest shows up.


End file.
